Folks, I couldn’t make these up if I tried! Funny SEO Keyword Searches, 2
Funny Searches, Seriously Weird | Posted by Jannie on 16 May 2009 @ 4:27 PM 57 Comments
photo credit: about.com
May I please share with you some of the latest keywords that actual humans actually typed to land on this, my humble site, as shown by my Google stats? Why, thank you, I’d be delighted!
- almost passed out at sink
- asparagus tea
- ass-less hipwaders
- bra consultants
- being a drunk [Yup, that's me!]
- do greencarders need passport
- duct tape depilatory
- dylan thomas bra [Well, I never knew! Did you?]
- even amidst fierce flames the golden lotus can be planted
- eye-bug-you [Well, sorry, that's just the way I came.]
- fat guy in hip waders
- film with jannie the christian girl
- funstermagic [I like to think so!]
- fuzzy cookie monster pants
- granniepanties
- honest things in this world [Thanks, I do try.]
- how to play mission impossible on a ukulele
- I hear god’s voice in my head. Am i crazy?
- I’ve got a chainsaw [Bring it on!]
- jannie supermodel [Hope I didn't disappoint.]
- jock straps with four leaf clovers
- male bra fittings
- margarita drunk vs wine drunk
- missing things from the eighties
- mortuary assistant cover letter
- poem great farting contest [What !?]
- real life pictures of loose pants
- real good poems about people running away
- shih tzu puppy eats potpourri
- shortest bike shorts
- talon twinkle [Yes, she does, doesn't she!]
- ten things an ideal woman should have [Glad you noticed.]
- thick fuzzy underwear
- totally jannie
- wedgie dojo exercise video
- what mean asparagus hunted you
What about you guys – any “interesting” keywords that landed folks on your site lately?
If you too have Google Analytics but are not sure how to get to the keywords section, do this… Dashboard >Traffic sources > Keywords. Easy!
On 16 May 2009 at 4:41 pm
Kathy | Virtual Impax said,
“fat guy in hip waders”?!?!? That’s a good one!!!
I also like “wedgie dojo exercise video” now THERE’S a guaranteed money maker.
My log files and analytics aren’t nearly this interesting!
Kathy | Virtual Impax’s last blog post..It’s called S-O-C-I-A-L media for a reason…
On 16 May 2009 at 4:55 pm
TheWeyrd1 said,
I couldn’t get past or over the “assless hipwaders”…SNICKER. Now you’ll get all the fans of those visiting!
TheWeyrd1’s last blog post..Wednesday’s Wine – Back by Popular Demand…
On 16 May 2009 at 4:57 pm
Lance said,
thick fuzzy underwear? interesting…very interesting Jannie…
I guess, though, you being the ideal supermodel woman, would know just the right kind! Me? I’m not going there…
Lance’s last blog post..As Close To Eden As You’ll Get
On 16 May 2009 at 5:52 pm
Tammy said,
Jannie, you are a total nut!!! Oh, by the way, my vote category is missing on the poll………I was banking on suicidal. By the way I finally got around to answering your question on my blog. Sorry it took so long.
On 16 May 2009 at 5:59 pm
Vered - MomGrind said,
ass-less hipwaders??
WTH??!
Vered – MomGrind’s last blog post..Bizarre Vintage Ads
On 16 May 2009 at 6:22 pm
Jannie said,
Cathy: Fat guy in hipwaders. I know! This is indeed a very very interesting (or scary,) world we inhabit. Gee.
Weyrd!: That is actually the picture I tried to find for the post. Alas, no ass-less hipwaders but I figure the description is probably enough to create a good visual in the mind.
Lance: Yes, thick fuzzy underwear. What can I say? I could probably sell millions if I had ‘em! Maybe Kalyani will want to branch out from her other fuzzy apparel.
Tammy; Well, I just picked and chose from what apparently other nuts found me by!
Yes, looking forward to getting over to your blog soon.
Vered: I have NO idea, but it does paint an interesting image! Reemmber those jeans that showed the bare buttock cheeks in a round hole on either side? Well, I can’t imagine you ever had any, nor did I. But there is certainly something for everyone in this world, it seems!
On 16 May 2009 at 6:33 pm
Aimee said,
“ass-less hipwaders” – had me running scared
Just kidding…those are great! A testament to how diverse your writing is 
On 16 May 2009 at 7:06 pm
G said,
I just got mine activated (go figure), so it may take me a while to see what search terms are bringing people to mine.
G’s last blog post..My Writing Is Becoming A Little…..Odd
On 16 May 2009 at 7:24 pm
Lynn said,
My favorite is “- even amidst fierce flames the golden lotus can be planted” What?????????
Lynn’s last blog post..Comic relief, old friend and sunrise
On 16 May 2009 at 7:30 pm
Tammy said,
Hey Jannie
I am blog-hogging ya…….why is there no ’suicidal’, “how does that make you feel?” box to click on your live traffic feed side bar? Did that make any sense whatsoever?
I’m not happy about that Jannie. Nuts have feelings too ya know! I am totally just messin with you.
On 16 May 2009 at 7:38 pm
Glenn Buttkus said,
“dylan thomas bra” does float my boat.
charles bukowski pantie inserts would be good too.
robert frost cheek warmers perhaps.
emily dickinson nipple rings sound brazen.
sherman alexie feather boa would be so authentic.
glenn buttkus dry skin gel maybe.
bobby byrd mink adult diapers could sell.
joy harjo canoe paddle key chains.
walt whitman breast implants also.
tiny tim brazilian cuts.
“jock straps with four leaf clovers,” or
boxer shorts with purple honey embroidery.
suspenders with jannie’s picture on their backside.
socktuckers with wingless gnats clinging,
“poem great farting contest” sound likely,
flatulation follies hits Texas big,
motorboat farting to the the tune “Mexicali Rose”,
is that a fart or do you buy your aftershave at K Mart,
ass-in fuzzy chaps,
ass-out black leather rojo chap straps,
“film with jannie the christian girl”,
video with jannie’s high school prom drunk,
film with jannie the stand up comedian doing her version of Sarah Palin in a bikini strumming a ukulele.
film of Jannie having a heel wart removed.
video of jannie shoveling horse manure for her grandfather.
austin’s bell of the mall, jannie needs a chainsaw notes.
condoms on parade, jannie’s dream job.
“what mean asparagus hunted you”,
cranky centipedes mug mexicans on the border.
nasty gourds guard nightclubs in Austin.
angry cauliflower causes a stink.
onery onions make Obama cry in Larado.
PMS celery says no to smooth cream cheese dude,
nameless nectarines drip on Jim’s shoes in church.
korny corn flakes make kelly giggle then toot.
Man, it seems it takes just no effort at all to end up clicked into Funsterland. Thank God. It makes the people you meet so interesting.
Glenn
Glenn Buttkus’s last blog post..Elephantware
On 16 May 2009 at 8:18 pm
Paige said,
What an strange and interesting trip you have had.
Jannie Funster the key word hitter and splitter
Paige’s last blog post..House Slaves Beware
On 16 May 2009 at 9:06 pm
Patricia said,
I can not find this information on my analytics which is mailed to me now every Sunday. I think folks may not be looking for me…they mostly come from Stumbleupon and Twitter.
Funny stuff Jannie…
And your where are folks arriving from is very interesting.
Like the pebble backgroun
Patricia’s last blog post..Spring Is Sexy
On 16 May 2009 at 9:34 pm
Caity said,
Oh my gosh these posts always make me giggle uncontrollably!
Caity’s last blog post..Birthday Weekend!
On 17 May 2009 at 5:53 am
LisaNewton said,
“jock straps with four leaf clovers”
Hey, I want to see the pictures……………….:)
LisaNewton’s last blog post..Los Angeles’ 59 Swimming Pools
On 17 May 2009 at 7:32 am
Mama Zen said,
Ass-less hip waders? Talk about things that I never knew I needed!
Mama Zen’s last blog post..Running Late?
On 17 May 2009 at 7:35 am
Shay said,
Oh geez. I have a deathly aversion to asparagus, having been made by my mother to sit at the table til I ate mine, which by then was always stone cold because, hello, I HATE asparagus! So the sight of asparagus TEA seriously just about made me hurl.
I agree with the other reader, what is up with that lotus thing? Good grief.
Shay’s last blog post..When Dentists Die
On 17 May 2009 at 9:08 am
Talon said,
“jock straps with four leaf clovers” and I immediately think, “Well, THAT jock strap has a great chance of getting lucky!” Yeah, I’m crazy like that!
Talon’s last blog post..Have you ever noticed
On 17 May 2009 at 10:41 am
Jannie said,
Aimee: I can only wonder – who the heck are these people?
G: That’scool. Won’t take long until you start to see very interesting things, I’m sure.
Lynn: That is a very poetic one. And quite true too, philosophically.
Tammy: yes, I ought to have put in mnay mnay coices. I soudl re-think these polls better, perhaps. I disappeared it anyway. Always changing things up here. (Please blog-hog me all you want!)
Gotta go! Geronimo. Will return.
On 17 May 2009 at 11:31 am
G said,
Well, I took a look at mine this morning, and in the top ten was the following query:
“chat room panties”
I’ll give everyone a little time to figure that one out before give the answer as to why.
G’s last blog post..My Writing Is Becoming A Little…..Odd
On 17 May 2009 at 1:48 pm
K said,
I love checking this out.
Who is searching for this stuff? Do they ever find it?
K’s last blog post..My List
On 17 May 2009 at 3:23 pm
Thomma Lyn said,
Absolutely hilarious! And I’m fascinated by those ass-less hip waders. Could come in handy on hikes when the creek branches are running high.
Thomma Lyn’s last blog post..Author Copies and Ballicai
On 17 May 2009 at 3:24 pm
Karyn said,
how do you get google Analytics?
On 17 May 2009 at 4:13 pm
Jannie said,
Glenn: My goodness, nameless nectarine is kinda cool. And who told you about my heel wart removal?? I there a hidden camera in here?
Paige: And the depth of such a strange and interesting trip could not in a hundred lifetimes be fully fathomed,
I’m sure.
Patricia: Stumbleupon is an interesting large beast indeed, I have seen referrals from there. Is it Google analytics you have? Or another brand? Alas, I only dabbled in the pebbles, they did not last for long. Was experimenting with backgrounds yesterday.
Caity: Cool new avatar! Still have major camera envy of yours. Hope you won’t think of these in church and giggle?
Lisa: That is one worth Googline an image for.
Mama Z: I have a hankering to go gits me a pair pronto.
Shay: Mom made me finish my cold rice krispies. I do not do that to my kid. But I insist she eat all her asparagus. Actually, she LOVES it. With cheese sauce. Umm, umm.
Talon: Methinks that was indeed the idea behind that. Maybe? Four-leaf clover has been written here yes. But jock strap? Not until this post.
G: So that one was typed in just today? Interesting world.
K: I think it’s a bunch of frat boys sitting around with nothing else to do but see if they can actually come up with this stuff. Or maybe some big net scavenger hunt. I have noooo idea.
Thomma Lyn: That does seem to be the most popular one! Great image created there.
Karyn: Try this link… http://www.google.com/analytics/ It’s the sign-up page. I got a little stumped as to where the code was to go on my home page, so Kim Woodbridge helped me with it. But maybe you’re more savvy with that part of it.
On 17 May 2009 at 4:44 pm
Heather Happymaker said,
Ahahaaaaaa! I love your keyword posts! What’s more funny than reading these goofy things people search for than finding out they actually led to your blog! Fuzzy underwear… hey, at least that was right on the money!
Heather Happymaker’s last blog post..Would you rather be brave or smart?
On 17 May 2009 at 5:13 pm
Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching said,
Ha, thanks for this. I’ve had my share as well. The funniest one was probably someone looking for “Detroit werewolf contest.” For the last time, people, I run the _vampire_ contest, so take your mangy hides elsewhere.
On 18 May 2009 at 12:20 am
Rose said,
You’re first in Google for dylan thomas bra. lol
On 18 May 2009 at 5:04 am
G said,
Was typed in back in April. Apparently, a post I made sometime last year about the phrase “don’t get your panties in a bunch” got tagged by Google when someone was searching the word “panties”.
I just put my other blog under Analytics, so it should be really interesting to see what queries that blog generated.
G’s last blog post..My Writing Is Becoming A Little…..Odd
On 18 May 2009 at 5:05 am
Jannie said,
Happymaker Supreme: If they only knew just how correct they are on those fuzzy undergarments. Funny nobody found me yet by “itchy blue socks.”
Edgar: Vampire contest, eh? There seems to be no end to the extent of my blogging buddies varied talents and hobbies. Are you in Detroit Rock City??
Rose: I did Google — seems some girl who went for writing inspiration to the Dylan Thomas house in Wales flung her bra in the trees there.
On 18 May 2009 at 6:14 am
Mama Zen said,
I have something for you at my place!
Mama Zen’s last blog post..Like Danny’s Dad
On 18 May 2009 at 9:36 am
Jannie said,
G: Yay, let your games begin! I can only wonder what keywords would land searchers on your “flashing shorts” blog! Probably similar to the ones that I dared not reveal to your innocent eyes see in this post.
Mama Zen!! That was totally cool. THANKS!!! To be singled out by the Cool Zenster is an honor indeed. Really ass-kickingly sweet of you to do that.
On 18 May 2009 at 12:03 pm
Chris Edgar | Purpose Power Coaching said,
Okay, I don’t actually have anything to do with vampires or any other supernatural creatures, but I do share what seems to be your love of KISS.
On 18 May 2009 at 12:57 pm
J.D. Meier said,
I think I landed here by searching for magic carpet ride.
J.D. Meier’s last blog post..Discipline vs. Motivation
On 18 May 2009 at 1:11 pm
Jannie said,
Edgar: “Beth, I hear you calling, but I can’t come home right now…” wore the groove out on that track, that’s for sure. What’s your fav track??
J.D. : Grinning from ear to ear on that remark! And to find YOU I’d Google “smart success joy luck”
On 18 May 2009 at 3:02 pm
Liara Covert said,
ductape dipilatory stands out. You may have heard about the mini flip calendars that offer 365 uses for ductape. SOunds like you R collecting practical info for a sequel!
Liara Covert’s last blog post..Liberate yourself from fear
On 18 May 2009 at 4:01 pm
Jannie said,
Liara, funny my old band-mate Stevie Dale Funster has hilarious song about duct tape. You can hear it here.
http://www.steviedale.com/Music.html
And if it’s the same “Cockroach Stomp” recording he made here in Austin, that’s me on the back-ground harmonies. Wow, I’ve forgotten just how much of a semi-somebody I actually am!
On 18 May 2009 at 4:02 pm
Heather Happymaker said,
Boy am I tired, when I first read your response I thought you said “itchy blue crotch”!
Heather Happymaker’s last blog post..Would you rather be brave or smart?
On 18 May 2009 at 10:18 pm
MiaHysteria said,
Actually, I’m the loser who has no idea how to get my google stats.
MiaHysteria’s last blog post..Not Me Monday
On 20 May 2009 at 7:32 am
Kim Woodbridge said,
I’ve had some bizarre searches find my site but none as good as this list. And you know what? I’m wearing my Dylan Thomas bra and my assless hip waders right now while typing this comment.
Kim Woodbridge’s last blog post..7 Unique WordPress Themes
On 20 May 2009 at 1:32 pm
Jannie said,
Heather! Please never mention that word ever again on my blog. Really. Soem suggestions would be itchy azure, navy or cyan crotch. (I’ve a real thing against my lovely peeps saying blue on this blog.) Thank you for you rcontinued funstering support.
Mia: I hate when non-losers call themselves losers. I also hate when I say the word hate so I should be ashamed of me. But shall try to forgive me and move on.
Kim: You gave me the BIGGEST laugh just now! And a great visual. You rock!
On 20 May 2009 at 9:57 pm
MiaHysteria said,
I’ll forgive you if you forgive me. Tee-hee.
MiaHysteria’s last blog post..I Won’t Take Responsibility
On 21 May 2009 at 9:17 am
Salwa said,
Ok, this post really made me laugh. I mean “poem great farting contest” (huh?)
Salwa’s last blog post..It’s a Blog, Not a Sales Letter!
On 22 May 2009 at 8:05 am
Renee said,
Jannie, I must confess that it was ME who found you while searching “Ass-less Hipwaders that I lost in the Eighties.” How delighted I was to find YOU here at the end of the rainbow instead.
Your CD is a sheer delight. I listened to it yesterday on my way to and from work and it just made me smile. Your beautiful daughter has definitely inherited the talent gene… ADORABLE…
Renee
P.S. If you DO find a man who cooks, cleans, does yardwork, and won’t leave, will you see if he has a brother for me? I’m not above trading my hubby in….
Renee’s last blog post..More Art Class Madness
On 22 May 2009 at 8:51 am
Jannie said,
Mia: Forgiven forever, both you and me.
Salwa: Told ya I couldn’t make these up if I tried!! Can’t wait to read the next ones.
Renee: My jovial sprite of a friend! I think I have located the ass-less hipwaders! In my garage beside the ass-less jeans I wore to my cousin’s bar mitzvah in ‘85!!! Shall I send them to the same address as the CD went to? Speaking of the CD, so glad it arrived intact and that you are liking it. Baby, just wait ’til the next one! Gonna be in super stardom then!
On 22 May 2009 at 10:41 pm
Renee said,
Jannie, just keep the hipwaders… I have gained weight and the girdle peeking through would just not be NEARLY as sexy as my large white arse…
Renee’s last blog post..Swimsuit Anxiety
On 23 May 2009 at 6:55 am
brandi said,
“-fat guy in hip waders
- fuzzy cookie monster pants
- I’ve got a chainsaw”
i just spit on my computer screen…lol
brandi’s last blog post..seriously though…joy
On 23 May 2009 at 8:55 pm
Bella said,
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is HILARIOUS, great post!
On 23 May 2009 at 9:15 pm
Jannie said,
Renee: I’ll bring them by on my next trip through TN, which will actually be my second trip ever, the first being in 1994 on a big old Ryder truck on a 5-day trek to N.S. I just got a lovely new girdle too. It’s an ankle to neck inclusive one. A little hot for this time of the year but it gives a nice sleek look under my bustle and corsets.
Brandi: Quite outlandish, ain’t they? I wonder what the next ones will be? So great to see you back here, ya Joy Rebal, ya! Lance did not steer me wrong on your blog, that’s for sure.
On 1 July 2009 at 8:01 pm
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On 1 July 2009 at 8:09 pm
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On 1 July 2009 at 8:35 pm
Missing the Target with Your Keyword Hits? « Search Engine optimization said,
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On 1 July 2009 at 9:37 pm
Missing the Target with Your Keyword Hits? | Search Engine optimization said,
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On 6 July 2009 at 8:21 pm
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On 9 July 2009 at 1:13 am
SEO Your Twitter Posts » Blog Archive » Missing the Target with Your Keyword Hits? said,
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On 12 July 2009 at 10:33 pm
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