Below are real searches that real humans actually typed to land on this site, from this past Nov. through Feb. I read them in my Google Analytics, THE awesomest website stats (free) service on the planet.
GENERALLY BIZARRE & REALLY BIZARRE…
– squirrels in bikinis
– fun things to do with hand sanitizer
– shirley temple bowling balls
– smiley the chainsaw man
– 50 things to do weird
– 3 legged goat
– riding a grocery cart poem
– pain-in-the-butt coworker poem
– why did orgo think his pants were too short
– a picture of a fish holding a beer bottle
– poems that are actually good instead of the crappy poems that usually come up when i press search
– fun things to do to strangers
– picture of ugly man in sink
– naked man in kitchen sink
UNDERGARMENTS …
– are girdles making a comeback
– bra joy
– tara’s miracle girdles
– how to make a bra for a goat
THE JANNIE CATEGORY…
– country jannie
– jannie weather reporter
– jannie madman
– jannie who sings at night in hawaii (Okay, okay — i just made this one up. “naked jannie” was the actual search, but I’m far too shy to ever reveal that.)
WITH COMMENTARY…
– i cant wait to try out my new-found hypnotic powers on my neighbor (good luck with that! and how did that go, anyway??)
– jannie goes to jail photo (No! They swore those negatives were all destroyed! Destroyed, I tell you!!) – peeing your pants and heroin use (gee, I do pee mine on occasion, but I never touch the hard stuff.)
– i love my jannie (ahhh, thanks, – i love YOU too — whoever you are!)
– videos of kids chanting 13, then with 14 — a poke in the eye (ouch!)
– why is my wife the only one who makes me crazy (dude! that’s the post-Eden cosmic plan! yet, a new Eden does await, even at this moment if you so allow.)
– my area rug smells like hay (yeah, don’t you just love that wonderful aroma!!?)
– sorta long sweet things to say to a girl – (ahhh, that’s niiiice!)
– awesome buttocks (you know — some days I do catch a glimpse of mine in the mirror and I think “not bad. not bad at all.” must be all this cross-legged sitting at the computer, those 20-minute walks twice a week, and sucking in my gut twice a month.)
–too much tequila, too little sunscreen (yeah, like i said up in the title…)
MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE…!
– hello person reading these searches. i see you! – (i see YOU TOO!!!)
Sweet readers, I hope some of these made you chuckle!
And if you are new here and fancy more of these weird searches, they start here, back before I had my ludicrous-big photos.
Thanks, Sweeties!! I’ll be posting again in the next coupla days, so y’all come back now, ya hear!!?
Here are a few photos I took this past weekend on Kelly’s semi-annual school camping trip. (I took over 100. Only subjecting you to 14.) (Today.) (edit: I took over 100 photos — not 100 kids, as per funny/smart Hilary’s amused observation.) At least that’s what I think she meant by “100 little wonders.”) ?
The next one I call Sunday Morning Bleary. Kelly had about 3 hours sleep Saturday night. And maybe 6 hours Friday. ’Twas a wild and wonderful time for all.
Camp sweet home. My tent!
Kelly has her own little tent she shares with a friend or two.
She does show up for food and drink occasionally at my site.
Notice the half-gallon of hand sanitizer on my table. I told you I’m OCD with that stuff, right?
Jim never stays for the night (boo-hoo) but he does come for the Saturday potluck dinner followed by the sing-along — so that’s better than nothing!
My favorite part of camping — the coffee bacon mornings! Pancakes too! ‘Cept I didn’t photograph the pancakes.
But I did photograph Kelly up a tree Friday night!
(Don’t worry, don’t worry – all the kids climb that. She just happened to be the only one up there at the moment.)
Okay so, just when you thought you’d seen it all — I tell you a river is about a 3-minute walk down the path from the tenting area.
And I show you yet more pics — of river stuff.
A second edit: because I can, and because there were no words between these two pictures…
The nights were cold, maybe around 45-50?F (9C) and the days were about 78F (24C.)
There, all better with this post now.
On you go!
But wait! There were no words between these pix either!
Ahh, much better now.
And more words here. The water was about 55F (12C) Brrrrr!!
Yes — someone took a picture of ME too! I did!! A little shadow dancing with myself.
Anyhoo, Jim has bought a tiramisu cake from Whole Foods! And I think I shall post this and go see if I can offer him any assistance with the window he’s putting in. Then get Miss Sweetie Camper off the computer and into the bath. And to an early bed. Oh yeah. School again tomorrow!
Toodles, sweeties!
(Look, my shoe!)
Off I go.
xoxo
(Yes, all these are iPhone pix, in case any of your enquiring minds were wondering.)
Another little edit: What’s nice about this school trip is the parents bring their kids, so it’s not like I was in a chaperone situation over a bunch of kids. A real family outing!
And I did drink 3 beers. Well, 2.75 total. I petered out on my Friday night one. But made up for it Saturday with those two whole Sierra Nevada Pale Ales! And had a couple ounces of wine that night too. DECADENT JANNIE!!
1. Mumford, the stuffed penguin above, was a surprise recently mailed from that Wise Patricia Woman to the child above. How that’s for some sweet bloggity love??!!!
2. I am about to head to the woods until Sunday with a tent, a jumbo box of chocolates and a cooler full of bacon and beer. I have no idea if my iPhone will work in them thar hills, so…
3. If you are a new commenter here, your brilliance will sit in moderation until I either get back from the semi-wilderness, or realize my beloved iPhone does work out there – at least until the battery runs down.
Oh — actually 4 announcements…
4. I have not peed my pants in WEEKS!!! Whoo-hoo!!!
The obvious option of course, was to delete this video, and you’d never have been the wiser. But how could I possibly deny you the pleasure of catching me in this moment of complete idiocy?
1. K – for enthusing “I’d love one of your CDs. I need some new tunes to blast in my new minivan – what could be more fun!”
2. Sean – for offering “Oh wow, you have a CD? I had no idea you sung. Anywhere I can listen to the songs or where can I grab a copy of the CD so I could post a review of it?”
3. Robin – for her poetic plea…
“I’d really like Jannie’s CD
….if you please
The music and lyrics
….and nice melodies
I’m sure it has all
….to please a dear fan
Like loving the title
….of “I need a Man”
4. Anne Bender — for her certainty that “a cd of Jannie singing… may very well be the centerpiece of any musical collection…”
5. Brian Miller – for his simple but stunning “Your cd – why wouldn’t someone want that?”
Moving on to the Billy Collins poetry…
“Sailing Alone Around The Room” goes to Davina for her poetic yearing….
“Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
thy angels watch me through the night,
And keep me safe till morning’s light….
so I can awake and read my new book of poems by Billy Collins, of course…”
“Nine Horses” goes to… SuZen for her whimsied wonderings, “I can imagine painting one of the horses on the cover in an abstract… and I had a horse, Silver, back in the day, that I adored and the cover of this book reminds me of him in the most nostalgic and loving way.”
“The Art Of Drowning” goes to Shona Cole for trusting me to help quench her poetic thirst… ”I need a new book of poetry, as I just finished one and I hate to choose new poets on my own (on Amazon) ’cause usually they suck… but when someone recommends a poet or it is one that I already know I am rarely disappointed. So as I already ‘know’ Collins and you are recommending him too I know it will be a sure fire winner!”
“Ballistics” goes to Brian Miller for his thoughtful wish that… “as the [Billy Collins] dust jacket says, simple words capturing ordinary life…sure sound like what i try to do, so why not learn from someone who has gone where i would like to go. ”
Moving on again…
the three books below fall magically into the hands of these uncontested commenters…
Singing For Dummies – Cinderkeys The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Singing — Jaymie
Tori Amos, Fingerstyle Guitar — Jeanne!!
And in case you missed it, the winners from earlier in the week were…
SuZen — my cd. Fireblossom — Billy Collins’ “The Apple That Astonished Paris.” Gina – “Blogging For Dummies.” Toni Cross — the Marilyn Monroe notecards. Snaggletooth — “Inner Productivity.” SuZen — “Twitter For Dummies.” Glenn – Billy Collins’ “Questions About Angels.” Daisy — my “I Need A Man” cd.
Now, where did I put that packing tape? And that glass of wine?
I will be doing more give-aways of old stuff lying around my house in the future! Who wants 4 out of 6 Disney Princess drinking cups?? A slightly damaged brass door knocker in the shape of a squirrel? Half a bottle of Old Spice??
