Too Much Tequila — I’ll Say!!
Funny Searches | Posted by Jannie on 30 March 2010 @ 4:15 PM 52 Comments
image credit: photobucket
Below are real searches that real humans actually typed to land on this site, from this past Nov. through Feb. I read them in my Google Analytics, THE awesomest website stats (free) service on the planet.
GENERALLY BIZARRE & REALLY BIZARRE…
– squirrels in bikinis
– fun things to do with hand sanitizer
– shirley temple bowling balls
– smiley the chainsaw man
– 50 things to do weird
– 3 legged goat
– riding a grocery cart poem
– pain-in-the-butt coworker poem
– why did orgo think his pants were too short
– a picture of a fish holding a beer bottle
– poems that are actually good instead of the crappy poems that usually come up when i press search
– fun things to do to strangers
– picture of ugly man in sink
– naked man in kitchen sink
UNDERGARMENTS …
– are girdles making a comeback
– bra joy
– tara’s miracle girdles
– how to make a bra for a goat
THE JANNIE CATEGORY…
– country jannie
– jannie weather reporter
– jannie madman
– jannie who sings at night in hawaii (Okay, okay — i just made this one up. “naked jannie” was the actual search, but I’m far too shy to ever reveal that.) 
WITH COMMENTARY…
– i cant wait to try out my new-found hypnotic powers on my neighbor (good luck with that! and how did that go, anyway??)
– jannie goes to jail photo (No! They swore those negatives were all destroyed! Destroyed, I tell you!!)
– peeing your pants and heroin use (gee, I do pee mine on occasion, but I never touch the hard stuff.)
– i love my jannie (ahhh, thanks, – i love YOU too — whoever you are!)
– videos of kids chanting 13, then with 14 — a poke in the eye (ouch!)
– why is my wife the only one who makes me crazy (dude! that’s the post-Eden cosmic plan! yet, a new Eden does await, even at this moment if you so allow.)
– my area rug smells like hay (yeah, don’t you just love that wonderful aroma!!?)
– sorta long sweet things to say to a girl – (ahhh, that’s niiiice!)
– awesome buttocks (you know — some days I do catch a glimpse of mine in the mirror and I think “not bad. not bad at all.” must be all this cross-legged sitting at the computer, those 20-minute walks twice a week, and sucking in my gut twice a month.) 
–too much tequila, too little sunscreen (yeah, like i said up in the title…)
MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE…!
– hello person reading these searches. i see you! – (i see YOU TOO!!!)
Sweet readers, I hope some of these made you chuckle!
And if you are new here and fancy more of these weird searches, they start here, back before I had my ludicrous-big photos.
Thanks, Sweeties!! I’ll be posting again in the next coupla days, so y’all come back now, ya hear!!?
xoxo
On 30 March 2010 at 5:04 pm Paige said,
those are too funny for me to read right now as I
am
FIRST
On 30 March 2010 at 6:28 pm Davina said,
Hilarious as usual Jannie. This one made me laugh out loud: “poems that are actually good instead of the crappy poems that usually come up when i press search”. I trust they weren’t disappointed when they landed on your blog
On 30 March 2010 at 6:37 pm brian miller said,
so i got this package in the mail yesterday…
what a fun CD…and i am totally digging the book…great poetry.
anyway, offline until tomorrow…catch up with you soon. thanks so much for the gifts!
On 30 March 2010 at 6:51 pm Lynn said,
My favorite is “why did orgo think his pants were too short” … now who in the world is orgo?
On 30 March 2010 at 6:51 pm joaquin said,
“poems that are actually good instead of the crappy poems that usually come up when i press search”
that’ll show that stupid ol’ mr. google! hahahaha!
On 30 March 2010 at 8:21 pm J.D. Meier said,
I hope the fish knows not to drink and swim.
“Fun things to do to strangers” sounds like a poem or a song in the making.
I haven’t actually checked to see what people search to land on my blog … now I’m curious.
On 30 March 2010 at 8:53 pm Talon said,
“pain in the butt co-worker poem” – if you have to have a pain in the butt it is nice to think it could be poetic
“why is my wife the only one who makes me crazy” – has my hubby been googling lately? lol!
Loved these, Jannie!
On 30 March 2010 at 8:59 pm Daisy said,
HA! These are great! I think my favorites were Shirley Temple bowling balls and three-legged goat. I wonder if they found what they were looking for!
On 30 March 2010 at 9:06 pm Jannie said,
…
Paige!! You are a special person in my books, always will be and I am honored you made it here today to FIRST!!!! FIRST, BABY!!
And you were the first blogger I ever met too. And sweet Jeanne the second!
Davina!! I have NO idea if the searcher found respite in any of my poems, but I am sure he or she got more than their share of bra-flinging and beer swilling, whether they were ready or not.
Brian Miller!! Well, since you are every bit as good as Billy Collins, I look forward to holding a tome of your brilliance and unstoppable poetic heart in my hands some day. Take care, you popular one you!!
Lynn!! That one I have to Google!! I’ve been seeing orgo searches in my stats since last summer. And YOUR comment will make me finally check out who the hell is orgo, thank you Lynnie Muffin! :: I also get a search for him which I posted in an earlier one of these weird searches… “why did orgo iron his pants” WHAT!?!?
or maybe it only exists on my site, and keeps revolving, re: someone’s practical joke?? Hard to say. 
Joaquin!! If only I could send him — yes I do picture him as a man, dressed in black, knits I think, all depressed over his crappy poems — to YOUR site, he would have faith restored in the future of poetry for the universe. But — I have a good feeling he WILL know of you one day. Loved your comment! Google is shaking inits boots now.
J.D.!! And I hate the thought of all that good alcoholic sustanance getting diluted in the ocean, or river or wherever that fish is. Tank? Yeah, fun things to do to strangers, sneak up behind them and cover their eyes with your hands is my first impulse!
gotta run!
xoxoxoxo
On 30 March 2010 at 9:55 pm vered | professional blogger said,
“squirrels in bikinis” – seriously? WEIRD.
On 30 March 2010 at 10:02 pm karyn and barkaly said,
I think that last one is the BEST too
On 30 March 2010 at 10:29 pm MinnieRunner said,
Indeed Jannie, those made me chuckle! Will try Google Analytics too
On 30 March 2010 at 10:54 pm Robin said,
OmG ..I can hardly type…I want to copy this list..just to make myself laugh…..Im out of breath…right now…Oh Honey,,I recieved the beautiful CD…I didnt even get to open it yet..hubs had it in his shop…and Ive been super busy..I totally cant wait to hear it..Mwha..!Thank You
On 31 March 2010 at 1:21 am Hilary said,
Hi Jannie .. what an amazing list .. and what on earth are people looking for … ???? People have so much time – don’t they?! I love these crazy tales .. make the world go round with laughter .. ‘my area rug smells like hay’ – must be left over from the early Middle Ages! Have a great few days – & see you soon .. Hilary
On 31 March 2010 at 2:44 am SnaggleTooth said,
Have you been gigging in Hawaii? (send any CDs there yet?)
Been some time since I saw a squirrel in a bikini. You did have a really good 3-legged goat story awhile back-
The poke in the eye caused my eye to sting for some reason! (sympathy pain?)
I must say I love reading these- n most of them made me laugh a bit- Thanks for helping me feel silly today!
On 31 March 2010 at 6:59 am Jannie said,
…
Talon!! He’s a pain in the butt, but he knows how to putt, so to the links we go, me and butt-pain Joe. Yes, the spy has been Googling, I also had a search “my poet wife talon is my one true love.”
Daisy!! My shirley temple bowling balls are famous ’round these parts. On one she’s wearing a dress all covered up in hearts. The other one is made of granite of white, with golden curls glued on — it’s really quite a sight!
Vered!! Bikinis are not just for girls, they also look stunning on up-to-date squirrels.
Karyn! That one caught me totally off-guard, to not have laughed would’ve been too hard. Someone with some time on their hands, sat and came up with that silly plan.
Minnie!! Analytics can show you so much stuff, and in a very detailed way. On every shore the Google Gods are there to save your statistical day.
Robin!! Always great to see you here, as I smile and raise my beer. My cd will keep so don’t rush, I wonder if the last tune will make you blush?
Hilary!! My area rug smells like a new-mown field in June. With a touch of bursting lilacs under the shimmering moon. My first one smelled like licorice, the second one like lox, and this one smelled like hay, straight out of the box.
Snaggle!! My number one purpose on this site, is to make you chuckle with delight. Sorry for your sympathy pain, I hear that happens before a big rain. Now I have to get up for the day, but after I go smell my rug made of hay! Tho I’d much rather stay in bed, resting my fuzzy little head.
xoxo
On 31 March 2010 at 7:39 am Fireblossom32 said,
“Succubus” used to be the search that landed the most people at my Word Garden, but ever since I published “My Mash Note To The RCMP”, the most common search is sexy mountie and the like. There’s a lot of lonely hockey players up in Canada, dreaming about a hawt gal in a red uniform.
On 31 March 2010 at 8:27 am Mama Zen said,
– poems that are actually good instead of the crappy poems that usually come up when i press search
Definitely, my favorite!
On 31 March 2010 at 8:28 am Jaymie said,
I think making them all into a poem is a fabulous idea! Great fun!
On 31 March 2010 at 8:29 am suzen said,
Hi Jannie! These searches are just too funny – one funnier than the next! Makes ya think that even SANE people are secretly NUTS! Like closet freaks – kinda scary! haha!
I won’t be around for awhile – takin’ a trip – and your CD was downloaded into my iPod (by my daughter, you know I don’t know this stuff – haha!) and my poetry book I won from you is in my suitcase – as for the Twitter book? hmmm, probably a lost cause!
Love and hugs
suZen
On 31 March 2010 at 8:59 am Glenn Buttkus said,
My fave is “how to make a bra for a goat”. They say, my students from Montana, that in Butte there is a new “Lingerie for Sheep” shop opening up. In Montana, as you know, they love their sheep. In a Woody Allen movie, I remember a scene where Gene Wilder falls in love with an ewe named Daisy, and he buys her a garter belt. But if you are ever in Butte, stop by–they probably have goat bras too. How many nipples do goats have anyway?
Of course, “picture of ugly man in sink” is a close second. I want to know how the “naked jannie in Hawaii” rumors actually got started.
On 31 March 2010 at 9:03 am Jannie said,
…
Here sits I, in my trusty Honda, replying to peeps I’m rather fonda’
Fireblossom!! Once I dated a Mountie named Bill, he lived way up with his horse on a hill. But our affair, ‘tWas not meant to be, for Bill was more in love with the horse than with me.
MamaZen!! We all have our standards in poems and such, on perpetual quests for some that don’t suck. Methinks that searcher would be happy to find your site with your poems un- crappy.
Jaymie, my Jaymie so lovely and sweet, your comments here are always a treat. Are you referring my dear, to my rhyming responses here??
Suzen, you’re taking a trip and leaving the farm, off to the beach you go. I hope you find you sunshine there, and nary a flake of snow.
Now goes I to see a man
to set up a payment plan
on all those taxes I owes.
You’ll see me back here
with donut and beer
and hopefully all my toes.
On 31 March 2010 at 9:16 am Chris said,
It’s always entertaining to see what searches land people on a blog. Some of the ones that lead people to my blog are a little disturbing… and I’m not even edgy!
On a side note, I have a few empty tequila bottles that I use as vases because they’re uniquely shaped and colored. They only hold a stem or two but people always comment on it!
On 31 March 2010 at 12:13 pm TheWeyrd1 said,
I replaced stat counter with your suggested item. I will see how it goes. I see you have a ranking widget too. I also have been messing around with tequila in the form of margarita recipes. Well basically ONE recipe and trying different tequila’s to see which is the best value (ie. best taste for best price). I may blog the results in time for summer…lol
On 31 March 2010 at 1:00 pm Jingle said,
this is huge,
you are rich,
fancy,
and fun!
xoxo
On 31 March 2010 at 1:01 pm Jingle said,
I drive Honda too,
how cool!
marvelous post!
keep smiling!
On 31 March 2010 at 2:39 pm Ana Goncalves said,
Haahaa those are absolutetly amazing Jannie and I love every single one of them! Very unique. You definetly have a knack for capturing a lot of funnies, and I like that. Alot.
My top 10 keywords for your reading pleasure from January to today 2010. They aren’t as funny, but they seem to pull in visitors quite a lot who want to read the articles related to that subject:
1. Drawing on the right side of the brain viewfinder (Most popular)
2. Ahmadiyya Peace Symposium
3. Cancao do mar translation (Portuguese worldwide song by Dulce Pontes. Originally by a Portuguese Fado artist. Very popular song)
4. Peace Symposium
5. baitul futuh
6. buffalo grill lisboa
7. expressive
8. linkdomain:allaboutsnoring (Not quite sure what this one is about; perhaps its a crawler)
9. upside down drawing exercise
10. ana官方网站 (Which language do you think this is?)
I love your selection of Tequila. I’d love to try some shots with you.
On 31 March 2010 at 3:03 pm Jannie said,
…
Glenn!! In Montana they grow folks wild and tough, and for some sheep it can get rough. Do ‘em up in lace and frills, so they’ll look good on them thar hills.
Chris!! I get those disturbing ones too, but keep them hidden from your view. a tequila bottle flower vase — THAT could start off quite the rage!
Weryd1!! I do like tequila in its many sorts, with lime of course it often cavorts. Let me know if you find a new recipe — one with chocolate in it especially.
Jingle!! I drive a Honda van, I got from my car buying and selling man. It’s not real new but it runs like a top, and the brakes are great when I want to stop!
Ana!! Ana’s brain draws well on the right, and maybe she snores a bit at night? She sings in expressive Portugese on her tequila blog of art and peace. (I have NO idea what that language is, but I see that around on blog comments.)
Please forgive me, peeps. I am tired today, and thinking best in non-thinking rhymes
xoxoxo
On 31 March 2010 at 3:27 pm william said,
that is a lot of tequela lol, a party is about to begin
On 31 March 2010 at 4:20 pm sheila said,
Oh my God, hysterical!!!!!! Who or why would someone search for an ugly or a naked guy in a sink? That’s odd. lol.
On 31 March 2010 at 4:36 pm Chris Edgar said,
But I thought you made up the whole concept of squirrels in bikinis. Or was that blindfolded squirrels, or squirrels with black superimposed squares over their eyes like the people in the video for that R.E.M. song? It’s all a blur.
On 31 March 2010 at 5:20 pm Suzicate said,
Gosh, I’m laughing my butt off at these. “Naked man in kitchen sink” – yeah, don’t we all have one of those?!
On 31 March 2010 at 5:36 pm Sara said,
Jannie — LOL…When you share these, it always amazes me that people actually enter those keyword phrases and end up at your site. Actually, at times…it’s also kind of scary:~)
I never check my Google Analytics, but your keyword “searches” almost make me want to…just for the laugh.
Right now,however, I’ll just enjoy yours vicariously:~)
On 31 March 2010 at 8:11 pm Tess The Bold Life said,
Jannie,
When you find those new bra and girdles pass them over. I find sucking in my gut 2x per month just isn’t working.
And the dude with rug smell…please put your horse in the barn!
On 31 March 2010 at 9:57 pm Jannie said,
…
Forgive me if I don’t answer the rest of these in rhymes. I think I’m all rhymed out for today.
William!! You guys better share that with me, else I’ll be years and years drinking all that up.
Sheila!! I have no freaking idea about those 2 searches, pretty scary. maybe they’re searching for the perfect pic for a blog post??
Chris!! You have a very very good memory for those bikinied and black-out eyes.
You know Sandy Cheeks from Sponge Bob? She is a squirrel — from TEXAS!! Who mostly wears a bikini.
Suzicate!! If that search,for the naked man in a sink wasn’t just so bizarre and funny, I might be a little scared by it. Some of these searches are so bizarre, you couldn’t make them up!
Sara!! I am so glad you enjoy these too! I’d love to hear yours one day. How long have you had your Analytics installed? I might do well do look at the stats for something other than these wacky things, to see how to increase traffic. Some day!
Tess!! Should I find any undergarments lying around I’ll be sure to leave them right where they are — none of those confining thigns for me!
I think the hay rug is due to natural fibers, I had a rug like that. I liked the smell!!
xoxoxo to all.
On 1 April 2010 at 3:05 am Adrenalynn said,
Haha, I wonder why the only people who come to my blog are those why have searched for “Naked Adrenalynn”….
On 1 April 2010 at 4:09 am cinderkeys said,
“poems that are actually good instead of the crappy poems that usually come up when i press search”
BWAhahahahahahahahahaha.
On 1 April 2010 at 7:15 am Nadia - Happy Lotus said,
Hi Jannie,
Squirrels in bikinis? That is too funny. And who knew sinks could have such pictures!
Thank you for always finding a way to make me laugh. Hope all is well, my friend!
On 1 April 2010 at 7:30 am Zeenat{Positive Provocations} said,
Jannie…I laughed and I laughed and I laughed..naked man near a sink eeuuuwww! And Naked Jannie..shame shame on the person who typed that to look for you
Super Awesome!
Much love,
Z~
On 1 April 2010 at 10:01 am Jannie said,
…
Adrenalynn!! I bet that’s your top search!! And could you blame them, you ultra-gorgeous one!?!?
Cinderkeys!! And I so hope he (I assume it’s a he, but maybe not,) found some good poems. I remeber feeling that way a couple years ago, before I’d found all the wonderful poetry blogs I scarf up on a regular basis, like Fireblossom’s.
Nadia!! I must say all is very well, yes indeed. I woke up in a bit of a grumpy mood, but have worked myself out of it quickly. Naked men in sinks!?!??! What??
It’s a wild, wild world, indeed.
Zeenat!! So good to see you again, my lovely dear pal!! Well, I am learning there are a lot of Jannie’s out there, so hopefully it was another naked one that was searched for!!
On 1 April 2010 at 1:55 pm Thomma Lyn said,
I’d like to see a bra for a goat! And then there’s that three legged goat. The three legged goat might need a differently constructed bra. Points to ponder!
And I wonder, just why did Orgo think his pants were too short? Did the squirrel in the bikini tell him? Or the smiley chainsaw guy (maybe the chainsaw guy shortened Orgo’s britches)?
Thanks for the smiles and giggles, my sweet friend!
xoxoxoxo
On 1 April 2010 at 6:35 pm Patricia said,
very funny, now I want to find my weird searches.
Thank you
On 2 April 2010 at 5:08 pm dustus said,
Never too much tequila…well, except for those times when…never mind lol Enjoy the weekend!
On 3 April 2010 at 6:13 am Hilary said,
How’s your head? .. and how is BB .. I’m concerned about him with that much Tequila around .. especially the blue bottle …?
Happy Birthday with lots of iced cake donuts, some ale, some fun and an excellent mix of friends and special family .. ENJOY .. and look forward to the pics – upside down, back to front, anyway which .. see ya .. hugs and love to all Hilary
On 3 April 2010 at 10:00 am Jannie said,
…
Hello you 4 sweeties who graced this post!!
Thomma Lyn!! The poor old 3-legged goat would for sure need a modified bra. Geez Louise, these searches crack me up. I think Orgo’s mama dressed him funny, and he never go tover it??
Hopefully Smiley, the chainsaw guy shortened the britches while they were OFF Orgo!! 
Patricia!! Yeah, go for it! Under your Analytics dashboard… View Report > Traffic Sources > Keywords. easy as pie!!
Dustus!! Tequila is a wonderful wonderful invention! Discovery? More of a drug than a regular alcohol, me thinks. I don’t think I’ve ever overdone tequila, but rum, 25 years ago, still recovering from that, I think.
Hilary!! That blue bottle tequila we had to share with 50 friends, and everybody was tipsy, but happy — wicked wicked stuff that. Birthday — tomorrow, wow! It always sneaks up on me so fast. Looking forward to turning 29!
xoxoxo
On 3 April 2010 at 10:09 am vikum said,
Jannie,
hahahaha… this is really funny! It starts with ’squirrels in bikinis’.OMG!lol.
Pour me some tequila. You are a one super Jannie !
xo
On 3 April 2010 at 10:42 am Jannie said,
…
Well, Vikum, I cannot relaly take credit for writing these, only for culling through all the searches and sharing the ones I find funniest with you all. Kind of a freebie post — but always fun.
xo
On 5 April 2010 at 1:47 am Chris and his Garden said,
Those are major silly search terms! But wait…how did they get to your site.
**searches squirrels in bikinis**
On 7 April 2010 at 10:26 am Jannie said,
…
Chris from the garden!! LOVE your blog’s name. The word garden in general touched me deeply, as I think it does most people. Anyhoo, enough of that!! Welcome! Okay, how did YOU find me? Searching weird things??
On 8 April 2010 at 10:40 pm Chris and his Garden said,
Hihihi…I think was searching for girdles.
On 11 April 2010 at 7:23 am Jannie said,
…
Chris — mothing like a good-fitting girdle to set an outfit off just so!!
xo
On 13 April 2010 at 7:19 pm Chris and his Garden said,
Just don’t tell anyone I was looking for it.