The Spammer — a poem

Dearest Chris — Spam is such crap for your body but as I recall it tastes SO good! In Canada we ate a lot of Kam, a knock-off, but yummy. Amazing my arteries survived, tho. Smoochies to you.

Dearest Brian — will you be posting a video of your morning dancing? THAT would make one hell of a post. And funny, but I this really wasn’t meant to be about me, I mean the poem part. But it seems to work, so I’ll run with it.

Dearest Moon Lady — I know, I get So hungry out there on the trail after my coffee and running. And the can doesn’t need a separate opener — heaven! Love back at ya, Babe!!

Dearest Alice Audrey, you eat Spam? And diesel? Tried it, did not like it. I’m more of a super unleaded gal.

Dearest Monkey Man — Did you know Austin’s the Spamarama capital of the world? (I think.)

Dearest Daisy — there’s a new kind of nightgown out now with double-hung windows that are very well weather-stripped. No drafts! I AM having a great day, yes.

Mama Zen — it takes a nut to know one!

G-Man!! Ooo, the home of spam — I speak to royalty when I address you. Should I start calling you Sir G-Man?? I AM working on Spandex Jannie, I got a lot of the background out on it with my photoshopping. Maybe next 55 you’ll see the unveiling! I LOVE the 55s, Herr Host Meister!

Well, Dearest Secret Agent Woman — you know how anal I am that my big-butt pix tie in somehow to the post? Well, it ties in, right??

Hey, Dearet Teresa, that’s me in my butt busting mode, more or less spontaneously this morning. Just wait until I really get a yoga get-up, all perfectly posed, and such. Hair all heavenly. Will you stick with me to see it?

Hey Dearest Talon. I push the pram-a-lot. In spam-a-lot. Monty Python, I think that was? What?? Not a spam fan? We used to almost LIVE on it, well when the steak ran out. Do you get many spam comments?

xoxoxooxoxo

Hello Dear Quilly. Spam and Hawaii are not 2 thigns I would’ve put together, but I guess Spam is found everywhere! Nice to meet you too.

Hey Robbi, something about that “back-dated” did sound very familiar and you told me why!

Hey, Dear Jewel — I actually have not had it in years, but I do recall it as yummy yummy yummy. Great with potato salad. Originally, a wartime things as I recall.

Hey Desk49, yes, chilly here now in the a.of m. I even had to put on 2 blankets last night, but won’t be turning on the heat until a day does’t reach out of the 60s. 27 backflops to the laptop!!

Hey Adreanalynn, nobody but you and me telling me how hot my butt looks. I am getting it in shape, tho — stay tuned for updates of how it develops.

Hey, Anthony — Spam, beer and potato salad, could a better meal exist?

Hey, One Prayer Girl — I loved yours about the little girl in her Daddy’s boots, and enjoyed reading your profile. Great to get to know you better!!

Hey, Dearest Tess — anything special you’d like in those pancakes? Choc chips? raspberries? Hint ‘O Heineken? My hubs wouldn’t allow Spam in the house either. So you going vegan, eh? Marvelous!

Hey, Linda. Suzie and I had a nice walk, then coffee and breakfast. And she gave me presents! For no real reason. Pretty awesome.

xoxoxo

Whooo-hooooo!

Ahhhhh, always feels great to say that!

Alice Audrey, my dear, you know I shall ever feel deprived until I get to visit the Spam Museum too! Will always be an unresolved bone in my body until I get to go.

Claudia, my dear, you know what’s truly fantastic?? YOU! And YOUR poetry. I am ever impressed over there. Expect you a sidebar button in the next few days.

Lynn, my dear, I am a yam fan. And of green eggs and ham. With spam should yam make a big bang. Oh, and you know what? Our first Christmas, visiting Kelly’s Godparents the Godfather held Jim down and made him eat cream cheese and salami on crackers. Really! I wonder what it would take to make Jim eat Spam yam casserole.

Suzen, my dear, I believe Spam is made of pork chops, ham hocks, golden locks and a fair smattering of things like split peas, fish eyes, head cheese and raw oysters?

Vered, my dear, mostly sweet for me to send her off in the day!

Eric, my dear, you really oughta stick around for my Spam soccer, hockey and basketball, substituting cans of spam for the balls and puck. Seriously! Well, not really.

Stranger, my dear. Ooooo a new person out of the blue, whoo-hoo! I love when you new fairies alight here. How are you?? rest assured you are a Stranger no more! My husband and I heard that door in a nightgown joke on a cruise ship off the coast of one of 12 Caribbean Isles in 1998. A real keeper.

LL Cool Joe, my dear — of course! — seriously? Selling a Spam hat. Would it be gauche to Google your auction? To be precise it’s actually Paint Shop Pro, a photoshop knock-off, but wworks fine for me!

Fireblossom, my dear. Shall we dine on that whenst we finally meet? Maybe throw in a bunch of cheesecake and lattes and such. Oh, and your comment reminds me I LOVE fried bologna with peas, mashed potatoes and vanilla ice cream — all at the same time.

xoxoxoxo and such.

Caity, my dear, thanks extra much! Thanks on all!!!

Jeanne, my dear, you cracked me up extraordinarily with that comment! Film at 11:00?? I’ve actually postponed my next recording date to work on the chords I learned at a lesson yesterday, and to give me time to feel I’ve nailed the lyrics. Thinking next Spam Yoga session I’ll work out with the 20lb cans!

Snaggle, my dear, luckily no bad spam this time. I remember that nightmare last year when I was infiltrated by some nasty stuff. Yes, I do actually need extra buttock lifts now, I skipped yesterday. Butt, the day is young! And ab work too.

Patti, my dear, fluid and fury do not a good combo make sometimes, I hear ya!

J.D. my dear, yep just call me Farrah Fawcett, Jaclyn Smith or Kate Jackson, the original Angels, of course.

Claudia, yes, my dear. After I post this comment I plan to read about 30 blogs and comment, then slip into my private office here at the library and fashion your button on my laptop — from one of your iPhone pictures that caught my fancy. Ooo, thanks. I cannot draw but a stick person, but this paintshopping allows me to do so much!

Laura, my dear! What on Earth have you done? Guess I’ll just have to hop on over and see!!

xoxoxo

Hey, Thom, this post has been very educational about Hawaii and Spam!

Hey, Dustus, Namaste right back at ya, big guy!

Hey, Alice Audrey, my mind is resting easier on the spam museum now — thanks!!

But wait — Glem says the museum is fun and awesome and such. What’s a Jannie to do ?? Sweet poem, thanks. ou are one talented guy!

Hey, Alessandra, thanks — I am getting back in shape of late, dropped a few pounds. And planning on busting my gut and butt even more this year, so I’ll have to give you guys updates!

Hey, Vodka Logic — I use Corel PaintShopPro, and I just dived on in and taught myself enough to do the things I want to. And it only costs like, $70!! Try it — you’ll like it!!

Hey, Sheila I see on the dance. You all looked SO great at homecoming. Just beautiful, I enjoyed that post very very much.

Hey, Christie, thanks. Maybe I’ll go back there with some cans of Spam and really use them for weights. Or if I end up at Charm School I’ll learn how to do my housework and cook dinner for 20 all while balancing a Spam can on my head.

Hey, Laura — I know what you meant! I really haven’t eaten Spam in maybe 25 or 30 years. Thinking next I’ll banance pumpkins on me.

Hey, Caity — it’s not the best-looking button in the world, but I’m glad you like it. You next one will hopefully be even cuter.

Hey, Heather! I’m so glad we’ve found each other!! is blogging just the BEST thing, or what!! Now, I think I shall see about perparing my next post. Hmmn, what shall it be. I have NO idea!

xoxoxo

Oh hi, Hilary!! Ummm, spam fritters! Have they potatoes in them? I do love me taters!! Yes, and now Spam girl all standing nice and tall in the newer post. I use Paint Shop Pro, and I’d LOVE to give you any pointers you may want!! It’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it!

Hey, Jennifer Susannah! Jannie LOVES those vegan gummi bears. I had some just the other day. I find a couple spam cans on my butt during Downward Dog really helps my glutes!! Are you vegetarian or vegan??

Hey, Mia — glad you liked!! i like and love YOU!!!

xoxoxoxoxo